Old Friends

I was thinking about some pals of mine back in Halifax. John was and is one of those tragic lives lived, Myself and he and his brother have been friends since grade 3 i beleive. We connected on the common ground of poverty, and the fact that none of our fathers had ever bothered to show up for our lives. I remember John and I at 12 years old shouting "we are bastards and f'in proud of it!" as if The world should take notice of the two young men with no father and limitless potenital. They were tough, John and Sam, i suspect John did his part as the older sibling to see to it that Sam was tough, likely much to Sam's chagrin. That was never why we were friends though, as i was never strong like that, i always hated fighting, and was too awkward to defend myself, so more often then not John would step up and defend me, looking back i think he enjoyed that, it made him noble in a way. Both of our families had nothing, and we went to the "poor kids school" but it suited us, there was no class distinction there, most of us were in the same boat anyway. By the time Junior high school came around John was different, he was concentrating on being popular and didn't hang out as much with me anymore. I hadn't discovered the whole popularity thing yet so i was pretty much a loser. But I never recall Sam being the same way, He was always about people, he loves interacting with others, even now he's in his element at a party or anywhere with new people. That was a talent that both of them had, a sharpness for dealing with others, an ability to deal, business-wise. Things kind of gravitated into two separate groups after awhile, so until i moved away, i spent half the time hanging with Sam and his crew "the south end posse"(blame that name on the prevalent rap culture of the time) and John and the gang who lived in westmount plus a few people from school. I don't recall spending more time with one or the other, but memory clouds this stuff, and i'm sure Sam could tell you that i turned snob at some point too, but i prefer to recall being a loyal friend.(and not at all a loser) Those days i recall with a fondness, a dusting of myth and memory,like some old novel or story, where the ending is always happy. Eventually I moved away (long story in and of itself) and only talked to the guys once or twice a year for awhile. I managed to develop a new life in the country, made friends. John had a car accident and suffered brain damage that affected his memory and he's spent his time since in a care home. One of my biggest guilts is not visiting him at least once a year, but it's just hard in a way, to see him as a new person, as someone who can't develop like he deserved to, like he inevitably would have. I guess that's my hang up, and i probably should smarten up. We all started life with a future, and it hasn't been exactly like we thought it would, while John has been living his life, Sam and myself have spent years since high school existing. Sam is working towards his degree now, and i'm still lost as to what to do with my life. WHo knows what the future holds. I see ol' sam doing something with people, in a business setting, with his talents the guy could be a millionaire. John could've been something for sure, i recall anything he was passionate about he was tops at. When he was into skateboarding he was very good at it, when he was into R/C cars he could fix anything on them, what he did he did 110%. I don't want to say he was perfect but he had talent. I guess what i'm saying is that it's a shame to see things change like that.